Festival
I have good news.
Almost weirdly good news.
Almost like I set myself up with this blog, but I swear I didn’t.
My film got accepted into a festival.
I couldn’t believe it when I received the email. I’m so used to rejection, I couldn’t understand how an email from Film Freeway (the submission platform) could begin with “Congratulations”. It didn’t make sense. I continued working on something else for a few minutes before the penny dropped.
That day, I ran on the treadmill with a freedom I hadn’t felt in over a decade.
It gave me confirmation that I’m not completely off-track: I can create something that other people may want to see.
It’s been a few weeks, and even now, I get a glow thinking about it. I’ll get to be in a room (with other people!) watching my short documentary. I’ll get to talk about my film and how I work — something I’ve been longing to do ever since I started making films.
And that this has come about after such a difficult process — one where I literally started a blog to keep myself going — makes it all that much sweeter. Reflecting back on when I first started this film… how much I hated my younger self for not trying/working harder, for not doing better, for not achieving her dreams. I was only seeing the plateaus, the squandered talent.
Will an older version of myself look at me now and think the same?
Even just watching the footage was hard. It was as if I were reliving my entire youth.
Skating was everything to me growing up. I watched how hard it was to come back after my injury. I watched how I struggled on the ice as a teenager. How hard I worked. How hard I tried.
It took over a year and a half of working on the film before I could really congratulate myself. Pat myself on the back, and say, ‘You did great, kid.’ Eighteen months before I could see that, no matter what, I always tried my best.
What did this festival see when they watched my film? I so want to know why they picked it — what did I do right in their book?
I don’t know if I would have gotten this far if I hadn’t started this blog. I suppose the truth will come when I continue with another project.